Hey Look, A Bunny
by risika-dragon
Summary: What if one of the ODing Yeerks in book 17 had a field day? Meet Iber. If you like Taxxons, twisted humor, and fuzzy animals, read. and review, please


Okay, y'all have the right not to remain silent, anything you say can be used against me in a court of fanfiction, but you don't have a right to an attorney to sue my ass, since I ain't got no cash. I know, I haven't updated in...forever.

Anywho, I wondered...what if one of the ODing Yeerks in book 17 were to...stumble out into human society for a day?

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**Hey Look, A Bunny!**

Meet Iber 676. He has a Taxxon host, listens to the awesome musical lyrics of _These Messages_, loves stand up comics including Dick Cheney and Carrot Top, and since September, has grown to love cow haunches and rumps powdered with maple-and-ginger oatmeal. Yum! Doesn't that sound delicious? Up until recently, Iber wasn't the happiest of Yeerks. Apparently, Mr. I'm-Such-A-Cool-Awesome-Tubular-Visser-Three with his pampered Andalite plush toy of a host and diagnosed with bipolar disorder, stopped allowing poor Yeerks like Iber eat Kandrona rays. Aw, isn't that sad?

But no worries! Because ever since he started this new diet, Iber is happy! One, he's not dead. Two, his host seems to like the taste of oatmeal too. Three, um...he's happy! Every day is sunshine and clouds and pretty, chirping, tasty, bloody birds (which is kinda weird since he works underground...oh well!). He was so flamboyant one day, yet depressed as he glanced at the row of cages to his right and left. Silly humans and Hork-Bajir, always going into those pens! Why, if everyone were to eat more oatmeal, there'd be no frowns and cages and stinky, bossy Vissers.

Iber was also bored, because the other Yeerks he usually stayed with were off hunting the Bandits. The Bandits are these Earth-bound Andalites that get to play hide-and-go-seek with the Visser every week. It was strange, since most people would normally keep away from the Visser, but maybe they were just into cheap thrills. Like those funny animal people who wrestle crocodiles and play with snakes on the TiVo.

Iber noticed one of the stairways were unguarded and decided to explore. What fun! He wanted to see some sun and clouds and get something to eat, since he was hungry. He was always hungry, but no one would let him munch on them--even just a couple nibbles--and Mr. Mean Visser wouldn't let him eat anymore oatmeal. Maybe Mr. Quaker would be out and about and offer him some oatmeal in one of the smelly, gray places humans loved to live in.

Hey look! A bunny! Aww, so cute with its beady black eyes and fluffy brown coat and straight long ears. Whoops, now the bunny's all red and wet and taking a nap in one of Iber's seventeen stomachs. Bye, bunny!

Iber's in a small patch of trees and grass and bushes, but he sees that all the time when he's flying over Earth in one of the Bug Fighters. He wants to see a city! With people! Lots and lots of stumbling, talking, funny people. And oatmeal.

Hey, look, a gopher! Let's play! Oh, gopher doesn't want to play anymore since he's busy taking a nap under a tree. And in a bush. And with bunny, of course.

Iber decides to walk around for a while, admiring all the adorable forest animals, but is so sad when they can't play anymore. Or move. Or breathe. He comes along one of the serpentine, gravel lines humans deem roads. So flat and dull, but it's easier for Iber to scuttle about on his dozens of legs and eventually it'll lead to a town. How thoughtful of Homo sapiens to lay out such smooth, simple paths. Maybe they want to play to?

Oh, neato, a car. Not as fast or powerful as a Bug Fighter, but colorful as a mangled set of intestines, all bright red like body juice and Iber's host's eyes. And it's perfect for roads! Iber sees the man and his mate are having trouble with the engine, because the guy isn't using nice language and his face's as scarlet as the vehicle. Iber used to be a technician! He'll help, but can he ride too? He should ask.

The blonde lady sees him first and points and stutters. Poor lady. Iber understands. He has a hard time talking too, since his Taxxon tongue is so long and slippery and sticky. He certainly wants to help now! The man sees him as well and starts stuttering too. Much run in the family or something.

Uh-oh, the lady's asleep now. Iber doesn't want to play with her anymore though, since she smells funny and her leg coverings are soaked. Weird. The man, though, he's all energized, but doesn't seem to like Iber's company. "Get away from me! Back! I...I...please don't eat me! I have three kids!" There are rivers coming out of his eyes! He's leaking!

Iber gently pushes the man aside, who bumps against a tree and falls alseep too. Iber looks at the combustion system and sighs. What's with all these wires? Red, yellow, blue... They look like candy, like those twizlers he sees the human-Controllers snack on in the cafeteria. But they don't taste good, and they sting his mouth. Ow! No wonder humans don't like eating as much as him.

He tries to start the car, but the stupid machine coughs at him! Yuck! Too bad. Iber should probably leave anyway so the man and lady can sleep without any interruptions. Look, another rabbit!

The rabbit can run very fast! By the time Iber tags him, he sees more cars. And more people. People who like to scream very loud and honk their horns and screech their tires. This must be a human game. Iber joins in and shrieks as loud as his seven lungs allow, the loudest among the chorus of noise. "SCREEEE!" The people answer with even more sounds. Iber's so happy! He's never been this popular!

Now a green car is cuddled against a yellow one. Which is embracing a purple car. Iber can join! He has so many sets of arms, yet no one seems to want to hug back. Besides, some of the vehicles are smoking and fiery, and Iber doesn't want to burn himself. That wouldn't be fun.

However, there is a woman wearing a green sweater shouting at him and backing away. Does she want to play? Okay! Wow, she's even better than rabbit. And tastes better. But she's so good at the game, Iber lets her go, taking the pretty torso covering as a prize. They could finish the game another time, because now he can see a bunch of tall squares with random openings and pastel colors. Houses!

There's a boy with brown eyes and hair in front of the first house, but he isn't shouting or running. Spoilsport. Instead, he's talking to a shorter boy with cropped black hair and darker skin. "Eh, Marco, do you see what I see?"

The short boy shakes his head. "Um, hopefully we're both having the same dream. Is that Taxxon wearing a sweater around its mouth?"

Now two other humans join them, a yellow haired girl and a black haired girl. And there's a bird! A birdie with shiny red feathers on its butt! Is the birdie as tasty as he looks? Iber wants to know!

"Fly, Tobias, fly!" the yellow girl says. The birdie becomes a dot in the sky. Bye birdie! "What're we going to do?"

"Nothing," the dark girl says, pointing at a bunch of flashing blue and red lights. What lovely colors! Iber wants them!

Wait a moment! The funny uniform people--police, Iber thinks--are chasing _him_. Run, Iber, run! The policemen get inside their cars and give chase at a leisurely pace. Cheaters! Iber, run faster, faster Iber! Here comes a fence...now the fence is all over the grass. There's a pool and Iber's thristy, but he keeps running. Uh-oh! The policemen drive their cars through the abused fence and are taking a swim.

Iber keeps going, though, because now he's being chased by an orange kitty and a tailless monkey. They're the best runners yet! This is so much fun! But where's the oatmeal...? Hey, smell that? A couple more fences fall over for Iber and he sees a little girl with shiny black hair eating...yes! Yes! Instant maple-and-ginger oatmeal! Her mouth opens into a wide O and her mother runs out, making another O and stuttering. There must be an epidemic going around.

Iber grabs the discarded bowl and licks sweet, syrupy goodness! Yum! Iber wants more, but the lady won't comply. She picks up the girl and runs. Oh, Iber's too tired for any more games! He wants to eat! He helps himself, going through the glass door that makes a tinkling noise and sees TWO WHOLE BOXES OF QUAKER DELICIOUSNESS! Yippee! Iber wonders if the kitty and monkey want some and peeks outside, but they're too busy playing with some of the wet policemen and some Hork-Bajir. None of them notice Iber, so he can enjoy all the oatmeal himself!

He finishes those and finds packets of cold, moist meat in the white, chilly box in the kitchen. He hears the kitty and monkey, along with a doggie, bear, Andalite and the red-tailed birdie playing with the policemen, and wonders if he should join, but they're having too much fun. Iber should return to the Yeerk Pool soon anyways after a quick catnap. Today was enjoyable and exciting. Iber can't wait to do it again!

Speaking of catnaps... Hey, look, another cat! Nevermind, cat's too busy looking for his head...

Night, cat!

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I know, I have a twisted sens eof humor. But my brother's yapping away for the computer again. Please review!


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